This guy went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into the soup. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the food and this was too much for him.
"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!'
"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."
"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.
"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."
fun jokes 11 : Lawyer Q&A
Q: What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?A: His lips are moving.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?A: A party.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?A: Your honor.
Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?A: Just say, “Fees!”
Q: How does an attorney sleep?A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.
Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech?A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.
Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?A: Not enough cement.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?A: Skeet.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?A: Senator.
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?A: Chelsea Clinton
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
funny jokes 10 : Letter from Wall Mart
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets so bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton gets this letter from Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3 in house wares”… and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!”
And last, but certainly not least…
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3 in house wares”… and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!”
And last, but certainly not least…
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”
fun jokes 9 : Son
A little American Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, “Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names like Bill, Tex or Sam?”
His father replied, “Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.
For example, your sister’s name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.
Then there’s your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people. It’s very simple and easy to understand.
Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?
fun jokes 8:Great mind
Only great mindscan read thisThis is weird, but interesting!
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!..waht a nnocense
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!..waht a nnocense
fun jokes 7: British Airline
This scene took place on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg , South Africa & London ..
A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Very disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. 'You obviously do not see it then?' she asked. 'You placed me next to a black man. I did not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat.'
'Be calm please,' the hostess replied. 'Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available.' The hostess went away & then came back a few minutes later.
'Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in Economy Class. I spoke to the captain & he informed me that there is also no seat in Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in First Class.' Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued. 'It is not usual for our company to permit someone from Economy Class to sit in First Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting.'
The Hostess turned to the black guy, & said, 'Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class.' At that moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by what they had just witnessed, stood up & applauded. This is a true story. If you are against racism, please send this to all your friends; please do not delete it without sending it to at least 1 person.
Hahaha=_____=
fun jokes 6: A guy named MUTHU
MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER
Interviewer : What is your birth date?
Muthu : 13th October
Interviewer : Which year?
Muthu : ... EVERY YEAR
MUTHU & LONDON TRIP
MUTHU & LONDON TRIP
After returning back from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, Do Ilook like a foreigner?
Wife : No! Why?
Muthu : In London , a lady asked me, "Are you a foreigner?".. that's why
Wife : SHOCKED!
MUTHU & TOURIST
MUTHU & TOURIST
One tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man born in this village or not.
And Muthu said .. "No sir, only babies were born here
MUTHU & DRIVER
MUTHU & DRIVER
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, thedriver adjusted mirror.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife ? Sit back. I will drive.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife ? Sit back. I will drive.
MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL
Muthu went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed towards the board " WASH BASIN "
MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART
Interviewer : Just imagine your in 20th floor in a building, it caughtfire and how will you escape ?
Muthu : It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination ..
On a political rally Muthu was arrested. Why ????. Because, a woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" on herright chest ... and he did it !
fun jokes 5:Conversation
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S?"
Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side.
"Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak and exhausted!Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?"
Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males a day."
fun jokes 4: Life
Girlfriends r like chocolates,taste good anytime.Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
---------------------------------------------------------------
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, i look at your picture and the problem dissapears.
Wife : you see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you..?
Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, i look at your picture and the problem dissapears.
Wife : you see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you..?
Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
fun jokes 3: Ladies room joke
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said," You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters:
WW, WA, PP, and a red one labelled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button. "The button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.
Your penis is under your pillow."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters:
WW, WA, PP, and a red one labelled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button. "The button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.
Your penis is under your pillow."
fun jokes 2: Husband,wife and ......
Husband:Oh, come on.
Wife:Leave me alone!
Husband:It won't takelong.
Wife:I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Husband:I can't sleepwithout it.
Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle ofthe night?
Husband: Because I'm Hot.
Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.
Husband:If you love me Iwouldn't have to beg you.
Wife:If you love me you'd be moreconsiderate.
Husband: You don't love me anymore.
Wife:Yes I do, butlet's forget it for tonight.
Husband: Please...come on
Wife: Alright,I'll do it.
Husband:What's the matter?Need a torch?
Wife:I can't findit.
Husband:Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Wife:There!Are yousatisfied?
Husband:Oh, yes.
Wife:Is it up far enough?
Husband:Oh, that'sgood.
Wife:Now go to sleep, and from now on when you want the windowopen,do it yourself
fun jokes 1: Grandma banging her "boyfriend"
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmotherone day. While playing with his toys in her bedroomwhile grandma was dusting, he looked up and said,"Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is myboyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it allday long. The TV evangelists keep me company andmake me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh.I'm really happy with the TV it's my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the receptionwas terrible. She started adjusting the knobs,trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, shestarted hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fixthe problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so hehurried to open the door, and there stood grandma'sminister. The minister said, "Hello, son is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's inthe bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is myboyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it allday long. The TV evangelists keep me company andmake me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh.I'm really happy with the TV it's my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the receptionwas terrible. She started adjusting the knobs,trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, shestarted hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fixthe problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so hehurried to open the door, and there stood grandma'sminister. The minister said, "Hello, son is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's inthe bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
this is not a fun jokes:nabinco-network-scammers
Kita pernah dengar tentang penipuan GORES DAN MENANG. Anda pernah dengar SCAN DAN MENANG??
Objective yg sama : PENIPUAN UNTUK MENDAPATKAN KEUNTUNGAN.
Kaedah yg sama : MENJANJIKAN 10 HADIAH-HADIAH LUMAYAN SEPERTI
TOYOTA ALTIS PROTON PERDANA
TIKET UMRAH WANG TUNAI RIBUAN RINGGIT
Dan pasti ada 1 ALATAN ELEKTRIC SPT STOVE dan MESIN JAHIT
=SCANNER= di gunakan bertulisan Jepun adalah jaringan fibre yang mempunyai effect pantulan cahaya yang bila di lapik dengn lapisan kertas berwarna kelabu akan memantulkan nombor alatan elektrik yang ada dalam senarai hadiah.
Sebelum anda sendiri =SCAN= kertas tersebut anda di kehendaki membayar tax kerajaan berjumlah RM 3900 dan tandatangn beberapa borang dan juga resit jualan bertulisan jepun. Borang senarai hadiah dan pamplet =BERTUAH= anda akan disimpan bagi menjamin kegiatan mereka tidak dapat di buktikan.
PENIPU2 INI BERTEBARAN DI BANDAR-BANDAR UTAMA TERMASUK LAH DI GREENTOWN IPOH. ANTARA NAMA SYARIKAT YANG DI GUNAKAN ADALAH :
NABINCO NETWORK Sdn Bhd
74 A, Persiaran Green Town 1 [Green Town Business Centre],30450 Ipoh Perak.
Tel or Fax: 05-243 2119
SEMUA PEKERJA BERBANGSA CINA
http://www.carigold.com/portal/forums/showthread.php?s=0d723372478551ce868c9c0ed5a5d095&t=41986
http://welleywatch.heritage-tech.net/35/pictures-of-nabinco-network-scammers-in-kajang-prima/comment-page-6/
Objective yg sama : PENIPUAN UNTUK MENDAPATKAN KEUNTUNGAN.
Kaedah yg sama : MENJANJIKAN 10 HADIAH-HADIAH LUMAYAN SEPERTI
TOYOTA ALTIS PROTON PERDANA
TIKET UMRAH WANG TUNAI RIBUAN RINGGIT
Dan pasti ada 1 ALATAN ELEKTRIC SPT STOVE dan MESIN JAHIT
=SCANNER= di gunakan bertulisan Jepun adalah jaringan fibre yang mempunyai effect pantulan cahaya yang bila di lapik dengn lapisan kertas berwarna kelabu akan memantulkan nombor alatan elektrik yang ada dalam senarai hadiah.
Sebelum anda sendiri =SCAN= kertas tersebut anda di kehendaki membayar tax kerajaan berjumlah RM 3900 dan tandatangn beberapa borang dan juga resit jualan bertulisan jepun. Borang senarai hadiah dan pamplet =BERTUAH= anda akan disimpan bagi menjamin kegiatan mereka tidak dapat di buktikan.
PENIPU2 INI BERTEBARAN DI BANDAR-BANDAR UTAMA TERMASUK LAH DI GREENTOWN IPOH. ANTARA NAMA SYARIKAT YANG DI GUNAKAN ADALAH :
NABINCO NETWORK Sdn Bhd
74 A, Persiaran Green Town 1 [Green Town Business Centre],30450 Ipoh Perak.
Tel or Fax: 05-243 2119
SEMUA PEKERJA BERBANGSA CINA
http://www.carigold.com/portal/forums/showthread.php?s=0d723372478551ce868c9c0ed5a5d095&t=41986
http://welleywatch.heritage-tech.net/35/pictures-of-nabinco-network-scammers-in-kajang-prima/comment-page-6/
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